Thursday, October 6, 2011

Happy first birthday to our Pookie, our Torin!

Dear Torin,

Today's technology allows us to speak to a computer (or smartphone) and have our words translated into text. However, no such technology exists to translate emotions into text. I guess this is just as well, because there are no words powerful enough to convey how I and your dad feel about you.

You entered our lives exactly a year ago today. Lying there in the hospital, I was transformed from a woman to a mother within an instant. I am just as affected by that moment now as I was then, at 3:03 am on October 6, 2010.

To say Dad and I love you is appropriate and true. But what is there out there that's bigger than the word "love"? Because that's what I'm feeling. You are me. You are your father. You are the wind blowing all around us, the water washing away the silt of past mistakes. You are life.

I've watched your eyes turn from blue to brown, your hair from black to strawberry blonde, your smile from gummy to toothy. I've cheered you on as you began rolling over, sitting up, standing up, taking steps. I've marveled at your innate ability to figure out how your toys operate, how to get to things you're not supposed to touch, how to get what you want from me and Dad.

If this first year has brought us this much joy, what do the upcoming years hold for us? I am at once overwhelmed and anxious and excited just thinking about all the we will experience together for the first time as a family.

It's unclear to me whether this past year has gone by slowly or quickly. I'm not sure which moments have been among my favorites. I don't even know how I'll feel about having a toddler when I go to bed tonight. But this I do know: I was incomplete before 3:03 am October 6, 2010. I am now a mother to an adorable, clever, buoyant child with the world in front of him.

Happy first birthday, Pookie! We extra-love you.

Mommy and Daddy

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Love is...

...when Pookie lights up when I arrive at daycare to pick him up. He comes crawling at me from across the room, not letting anyone or anything come between him and his mama. He demands to be picked up and kissed immediately.

...when Pookie likes to sit quietly in my lap. Granted, this doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I treasure every second of it.

...when Pookie imitates me and Daddy, whether it be by clapping, waving, shaking his head "no," or "talking."

...when Pookie stops playing with a toy and looks up at me and smiles. It's a knowing smile. It's a younger, carefree me smiling back at myself. In that eye contact lies something cannot be recreated between and two other people. It's a mommy-and-baby thing.